I am writing this to you with so many emotions - pain, sadness, loneliness - those are just a few as I have walked this path before you and my heart breaks every time another parent starts this horrible child loss journey.
I am so very sorry this has happened to you, your family, and your sweet child. I lost my only child (at the time), my sweet and loving Bennett, in June 2018. He was almost 16 months old. He IS the light of my life, and he is the reason I have survived. I wish there was some magical statement, word or phrase that would ease your pain for just a brief second. It doesn’t exist. It will never exist. But I am here to tell you ... you can do this. You will make it. With each breath you take you are surviving this pain. I am here for you. Any questions, any venting, anything - I am an open door. I have gained insight through experiences. I have had to many break downs to count. And I have, most importantly, lived. Throughout my journey so far, I have gained so much wisdom and strength from other parents who unfortunately also lost their children. We are a strong and united group of parents who “get” the pain. We understand and we are here for you.
The best advice I received just days after Bennett passed away was “do what YOU can.” This means if getting out of bed and brushing your teeth is the only thing you have strength for tomorrow, that’s ok. You are forging your own path. No one, not even me, can know what you need. Take it breath by breath, day by day and eventually week by week. All grief is unique. There is no right or wrong way to navigate your individual journey. As long as you are making healthy decisions. Please know, not everyone will understand your grief. That is okay. Child loss is tragic, child loss is unimaginable, child loss is forever.
We not only have lost our child, but we have lost our future. We have lost baseball games, school programs, dance recitals, piano lessons, band practice, graduations, first jobs, first loves, and grandchildren. That is a lot. Give yourself grace. Allow yourself the space and time to begin to heal and learn how to live in this new world.
I will be honest with you the pain never goes away and it never eases up. You will learn how to manage it, you will learn how to cope with it, you will learn how to live with it, and you will learn how to continue to LOVE with it. You will smile again - when you least expect it - you will smile.
Lots of love sent your way. I am praying for you and your family.
Krysten
Your letter to the “newly bereaved parents”, is from a road you traveled and you survived. I too, lost my little girl recently and I understand this journey too. It has been but several months for myself, yet, it seems as it happened yesterday and a thousand years ago. I look forward to reading about your journey and to gain insight to what may await me down this endless journey. Thank you for being willing to share.