Jan 24, 20233 min read

How to remember your child

One of the biggest fears I had, and still do to this day, is Bennett being forgotten. In the last four and a half years since Bennett's death so much has changed. My family moved to Houston, we moved to a new community, and we added two beautiful children to our family. The one thing all of these things have in common is our current life does not coincide with our life with Bennett. Our wonderful friends that we spend unlimited amounts of time with never met Bennett. But boy do they love him. They breathe life back into my sails when I need it the most without even realizing it. They acknowledge Bennett, they let me openly talk about Bennett and let me imagine him playing with their children. Brynn and Beckett have never met Bennett here on this earth. They know him. They find his necklace around my neck, they visit him at the cemetery, and they point out his picture on our gallery wall. They are still young and do not understand the concept of death, but they will. Bennett now lives through Taylor and me. I am so grateful and honored to be the one who gets to breathe life into the memories and keep his legacy going. At the same time, I am scared. What if I forget? What if my memories start to fade? What if people don't care?

Almost five years in. These fears are not true.

Taylor and I have made a point to always include Bennett. He is and always will be part of our family - his impact is just different than we imagined. I have listed things below that have helped us continue on his legacy. To help us spread his joy. To allow others who never met him to know him.

We always include a framed picture of Bennett with all of our family photos.
Boo. Boo was Bennett's favorite teddy bear. He played peek-a-boo with him. Boo wears the last shirt Bennett ever wore and goes every where with us. He has been on many adventures since 2018. I sleep with him every single night.
You may think I have a sloth obsession if you walked into my home - and you would not be wrong. I always called Bennett and Taylor my sloths because they moved at snail speed. We have so many sloth items to always remind us of him.
Sterling silver necklace with Bennett's picture engraved. This necklace does not come off and is long enough that is rest on my heart.
Birthday parties. We have a birthday party every year for Bennett. We go to his favorite restaurants and share stories about him with family and neighbors. We have been guided to the most amazing neighbors and friends. I am so thankful for their support as I continue my grief journey.
Pictures of Bennett all over my house. Bennett may be physically gone but he is very much my first born. He plays a pivotal role in our family.
On his birthday and anniversary, we ask that all of our family and friends do a random act of kindness in his honor. We want to always continue spreading joy in his name. I have made so many connections on these days. Met so many wonderful people who have also either lost a child or experienced tragedy and am grateful for the opportunity to make a positive impact on their day.
Make donations in Bennett's name.
Talk about him. This was a hard one. I had to learn to be able to share him vocally. I had to understand that sometimes I can do it eloquently and other times its through tears. That is okay.
For what was supposed to be his first day of kindergarten I wrote letters to all of the kindergarten teachers at our local elementary school along with a gift. I thanked them for choosing to make a difference in children's lives and also let them know about a sweet boy named Bennett who should be in their classroom this year.

There are so many wonderful things you can do to remember your child. Do not be scared or fearful of the emotions this practice may bring up. It is emotional but it is also heartwarming to see your child's memory living on and perpetuating into the future.